KRAC Blog

Canseco: 'Hey Guys, Who Wants To Come To My Big Steroid Party This Weekend?'

It was the kind of February day you hope for and seldom see, clear, sunny, bright. It has been a while since I ran the Chilli Challenge, but there is nothing quite so nice as walking over to the start of a race- it is actually closer to my front door than the Subaru. Jim had said that he was going to try to make it, and Dave had signed up in advance, probably some sort of high school grudge, a karmic payback. When I walked in, I stopped by Captain X's class composite-- unfortunately he is on the DL (intestine) and couldn't make the scene. Dave had already been, and left a teddy bear, and when Jim came he stopped by and poured out a 40.

Dave had places to go after, but Jim and I hoisted a couple back at Big Pink. Jim had a notion that he'd go home and break out the bagpipes, which would have made it a Jim Jarvis Hat Trick on the day, I reckon.

Stuff White People Like is a blog about what white people like. It is hilarious.

In life, there are certain milestones of physical activity that can define you. A sub 5 second 40 yard dash, a 40 inch vertical leap and so forth. To a white person, the absolute pinnacle of fitness is to run a marathon. Not to win, just to run.

White people will train for months, telling everyone who will listen about how they get up early in the morning, they run when it rains, how it makes them feels so great and gives them energy.

When they finish the marathon, they will generally take a photo of themselves in a pair of New Balance sneakers, running shorts, and their marathon number with both hands over their head in triumph (seriously, look it up, this is universal).

They will then set goals like running in the Boston Marathon or the New York Marathon.

If you find yourself in a situation where a white person is talking about a marathon, you must be impressed or you will lose favor with them immediately. Running for a certain length of time on a specific day is a very important thing to a white person and should not be demeaned.

Also worth nothing, more competitive white people prefer triathlons because Kenyans can’t afford $10,000 specialty bicycles. If the subject ever comes up, just say that triathletes are in better shape than football and basketball players. It’s not true, but it will make the conversation a lot more genial."

I just love that the Cubs are pinning their hopes on a Japanese slugger named Fukudome, and I don't care if it is pronounced Foo-koo-DOUGH-may. The only way this could be better would be if he were playing in Philadelphia.

Does Debbie Clemens work out with Andy Pettitt's wife in the off-season?

Bob Knight graduated more than 80 percent of his players at Indiana when the national average was closer to 40 percent. He coached college students, and viewed himself as an educator. Is he one of the all-time jerks in American Sport? Yeah, I suppose-- but at the same time, I'd say that he had a better perspective on what the point of collegiate sport is supposed to be than a lot of people-- coaches, athletes, fans and especially press.

I love this photo. I think there is a local ordinance in Bloomington, requiring it to be hung in every bar in town.

Mr. Ed's Superbowl Challenge is a sweet race. It's grown a bit, (312 finishers) but it still has an intimate feel to it. Of course, it helps that Jim is so revered in Middleport. We pulled in just about ten minutes before the gun, too late for the procrastinating Mr. Jarvis to register, but it was all good-- the woman in charge pulled Jim aside and told him to go back in and get a chip. He shows up in the results under number 999-- name and age unknown, 27:09.

I was slower, but it was still a good day. The conditions were probably the best that I've ever seen them-- no real wind, and decent footing-- and the sweatshirt is world historical ugly, in a sort of pumpkin color that I have never seen before.