Thursday, September 02, 2004
It really wouldn't be wholly truthful to say that I treat my body like a temple-- in fact, it would be a complete fiction, made up from start to end. Still, now that I am afflicted with a malady that deviled Henry VIII, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Immanuel Kant, Samuel Johnson, Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin, among others, I'm paying a little more attention to what I consume. Of course, I'm not the only one-- you'd have thought I was shooting up last night when I had a beer if you were gauging strictly by Andrea's reaction.
Dr. Z has been on my case to take vitamins for some time now, and this summer seemed like a good time to start. Kate brought in a box of something called "Health Pack 100", full of AM and PM cellophane packets of foul tasting pills apparently intended, if size is any indication, for the horse who will someday adorn the "KRAC Presents: The Bill Altreuter Memorial Run for Gout Research." I have been dutifully choking them down every day, serine in the knowledge that I was improving my health. Today I had a look at the contents. "AM Packet contains: 2 Mega Antioxidants; 1 Chelated Mineral; 1 Proflavanol 90; 1 Active Calcium. PM Packet contains: 1 Mega Antioxidant; 2 Chelated Mineral; 1 AO Booster; 1 Active Calcium."
Maybe I'm missing something, but don't vitamins have names like A, B, C, D, and so on? I mean, I'm reasonably sure that these aren't uric acid acid pills, but what the hell are they exactly? "Chelated Mineral" sounds like something you clean your aquarium with, and I'm pretty sure I used to collect Mega Antioxidant comic books when I was 12.
Dr. Z has been on my case to take vitamins for some time now, and this summer seemed like a good time to start. Kate brought in a box of something called "Health Pack 100", full of AM and PM cellophane packets of foul tasting pills apparently intended, if size is any indication, for the horse who will someday adorn the "KRAC Presents: The Bill Altreuter Memorial Run for Gout Research." I have been dutifully choking them down every day, serine in the knowledge that I was improving my health. Today I had a look at the contents. "AM Packet contains: 2 Mega Antioxidants; 1 Chelated Mineral; 1 Proflavanol 90; 1 Active Calcium. PM Packet contains: 1 Mega Antioxidant; 2 Chelated Mineral; 1 AO Booster; 1 Active Calcium."
Maybe I'm missing something, but don't vitamins have names like A, B, C, D, and so on? I mean, I'm reasonably sure that these aren't uric acid acid pills, but what the hell are they exactly? "Chelated Mineral" sounds like something you clean your aquarium with, and I'm pretty sure I used to collect Mega Antioxidant comic books when I was 12.
